HAPPY CHANUKAH

The Perils of Chanukah
Last year, my daughters lit candles for the first night of Chanukah in our living room and then went to the dining room to eat Latkes and apple sauce. Lizzy smelled the fire and we put it out, but not before a wooden table and curtain were destroyed. Last year, my kids enjoyed one night of oil-saturated potato latkes, the traditional Chanukah meal. Chanukah is the eight-day holiday Jewish people celebrate each winter. Chanukah is called "the festival of lights" because in Jewish homes, candles are lit on menorah's for eight consecutive nights to celebrate the re-dedication of the darkened temple which was miraculously illuminated for eight nights by the tiny amount of oil found in a container. Chanukah is not the healthiest of holiday celebrations because when candles are lit, celebrants traditionally eat latkes while opening presents. Anybody who has ever eaten a Chanukah latke knows that the oil so contained in each latke could provide the energy needed to light their home for a day. Latkes are made by grating potatoes, onions,and adding an egg, matzoh meal, salt and pepper. The potato patties are then fried in oil. Healthy? No way. Delicious? You bet! For the past dozen years, I've given up latkes. I no longer eat eggs and have not found an adequate replacement---until now. My very dear friend Brad Wolff has created a vegan recipe for eggless latkes. You'll find the recipe on his website:http://www.yidelsvittles.com NOTE: One of Brad's ingredients is chickpea flour. I did not have chick pea flour but I did have a bag of dried chick peas and a VitaMix machine. Suggestion: do not make chick pea powder at 4 AM or you risk waking up everybody in the house with a staccato-like machine gun racket. Brad makes his living by catering vegan-style weddings, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Holidays and special occasions. OK. You've read today's column right to the very end. It will all be soon. My Chanukah gift to you is this little joke:*************************It was two days before Chanukah and Mr. Feldman, quite downcast, was trudging home. "Where will I get money to buy presents for the holiday?" he asked himself sadly, thinking of his wife and children. On the way, he passed a church, in front of which was a sign: Five Hundred Dollars Cash To Anyone Who Joins This Church Today! Here was the solution to Feldman's problem! He went in, joined, and was given the five hundred dollars as the sign promised. That evening, at supper, he told his family how he had come by his sudden wealth. "And here's the money," he announced grandly, waving the money before them. "Darling," said his wife, "you remember that coat you promised me three years ago? Well it's on sale at Macy's." "How much is it?" "Only two hundred and fifty dollars, and it's worth at least three hundred and fifty." Feldman peeled off five fifties and gave them to her. The son spoke up. "Pop, for a long time I've been saving up to buy one of those English bikes with ten gear shifts. I already have most of the money, but I need a little more.""How much more?" "One hundred and fifty dollars." Feldman handed over the money. "Daddy," said his teen age daughter, "next week our school is having the most important dance of the whole year. If I don't have a new dress, I'll simply die." "Don't die Sweetheart. How much is the dress?""Only a hundred dollars, Daddy dear." Feldman handed over the remaining money, leaned back and grinned. "It never fails," he announced. "The minute we Gentiles have a little money, you Jews take it away from us!"*************************Robert Cohen http://www.notmilk.com